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Finntroll - Jaktens Tid
Published by kinzz
Author review
Replay value
Average 20%

5 most read reviews
Finntroll - Jaktens Tid

While I might not be as much of an "open-minded" genre-hopper as others, I certainly do appreciate the diversity of Metal as a whole, and I would say my taste in the different subgenres is equally diverse. There are some I love, some I really like, some I like occasionally, some I don't mind but nothing more, some I find annoying but can remotely tolerate, some I really dislike, and some I find offensively horrible. Yes, sure, the most obvious path to go there is rather simple, listen to the ones you like and don't listen to the ones you dislike. But, as we all know, "simple" doesn't always work out in real life. There are things you listen to by accident, or out of curiosity, things friends or family force you to listen to, and so on. But what should one do in such cases? Try to erase the memory, sit back and hope it never happens again? I think every psychologist on this planet would agree with me when I say that this isn't a very healthy way to deal with negative experiences. No, something needs to be said against these crimes against the human ears and nerves, someone needs to stand up and speak out, warn the others, do something against the wrongs of this world and try to make a difference! Of course, I have no illusions about the impact of this review, I know full well that everyone who liked Finntroll before reading this review will continue to like Finntroll after reading this review, and I am well aware of the sad but obvious fact that my stand will not diminish the fanbase of this band the slightest way. But I think it is the minor impacts that count. Every person who before this review had been submitted would have been fooled into believing every person who listens to this album (or the band as a whole) can only enjoy this band, and every person who feels like me after having suffered through this merciless attack against ears and nerves recognizing themselves in this, all these few people will be worth the effort. And, if nothing else, relieving my scarred soul from the stress of being subjected to this audial - and irresponsibly inhumane - torture repeatedly should serve as enough of a justification, if I needed any.

Finntroll... is horrible. Even if I was masochistic enough to try, I wouldn't be able to find anything to like in their entire discography. For this review however I had to pick one specific album, and I picked "Jaktens Tid" because it is the one I know best and because it is the one that seems to be the most popular. This is a fun album. Nothing wrong with that, you say? Maybe, but to me there is a difference between enjoyment and fun. In movies, "Indiana Jones & the Raiders of the Lost Ark" is enjoyment, "Ace Ventura" is fun. In life, spending a wonderful evening with the woman you love and taking her to bed afterwards is enjoyment, drunken farting contests are fun. That is the distinction I make. Still, one can argue that on a strictly superficial level fun is still fun, and to some extent I cannot dispute that. Sure, I laughed during "Ace Ventura", and I did laugh through my share of times of acts of utter drunken nonsense, but "Jaktens Tid" takes this overly superficial idea of fun to extremes beyond the most absurd fringes of tolerability. It seems to be crafted especially for that type of people that have completely thrown all standards of enjoyment out the window, heck, that lost all grip of what that concept might be at all. The target audience of this album is that of the Bloodhound Gang translated into Folk Metal, that's how bad it is. And at least the Bloodhound Gang evenly distributed their nonsense over music, lyrics, samples and videos, while Finntroll squeeze it all into the music, crafting one total package dripping of total horror. Even after declaring them to be the worst of that kind I still feel like even just "honouring" by including them into Folk Metal might be too much of a compliment, as both parts of the musical parentage would be far too questionable in the case of Finntroll. A large portion of the music is dominated by keyboards that are said to be influenced by traditional Finnish "fun" music (which in itself would probably be bad enough), but they really sound more like Ska-P, a Spanish - and flamingly communist (not that it matters, just feels good to mention) - ska-pop band that has attracted the enthusiasm of far too many far too young leftist plebes throughout the 1990s. It is horrid enough to picture that kind of music combined with Metal, but again, "Metal" might be too much of a compliment for this watered down, completely uninspired and ultimately inane campfire dance version of elevator music. The "Metal" elements, guitars, drums, bass... they barely serve as anything more than background - or backbone (musically speaking, not referring to the artistic integrity) rather - to the aforementioned audial Parkinson's disease of a nerve-grating, encephalophagous keyboard walls, and perhaps that self-humiliating excuse of a vocal performance. Yes, the vocals. Representing all the worst in Viking and Pagan Metal history, mostly consisting of a weak imitation of modern Black Metal vocals with the extra twist of a ridiculous rolling of the "r" which one would normally only expect from filth like Rammstein and the likes, and occasional animating - or whatever - clean shouts. Here and there very rare Folkish influences flare up, but not only are they ridiculously poor but completely drown in the mess that is the music on this album as a whole.

Sure, some things are just a matter of taste, and much of this most certainly doesn't fit mine, and every Finntroll would most certainly resort to that argument when facing my review, and hey, I don't have a problem with it, if you disagree with me, or take offense, or whatever, think I'm ignorant or just stupid, that is your prerogative and I'm not trying to be the big bad boogeyman or whatever sort of antagonist trying to take that away from you. However, I am asking myself - and the reader, naturally - if my taste is truly that outlandish. I mean, on a basic level, this album - and the Finntroll discography with it - has nothing to offer creatively. Nada. And I'm not saying that an album has to reinvent the wheel and scream innovation through every digital fiber of its disc-shaped body to be of any validity, far from it, I do enjoy my share of bands you could easily classify as "generic". But absolutely nothing? That's just too much. And even those aforementioned instances of "generic" music I can thoroughly enjoy manage to be enjoyable on a level a tad bit deeper than such excessively mindless attempts at party music and nothing else. Maybe I am ignorant, but I can not find the slightest bit of value in this release or band. To me, this is nothing but pure garbage, and I believe it should be treated as such. Don't buy, don't even download, don't bother, don't acknowledge.

The Bottom Line
Stay far, far away from it. There is absolutely nothing of value in this release.
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finntroll, metal, metal album review, music, rock

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