the beer thread

[sits_monkey]

what're people's favourite beer/beer ads at the moment? do you pay any attention to the advertising n freebies or does it pass you by? has anything bettered the 'waaaasaaaap' ads of yesteryear?
banter

[zagger]

The ad that has caught my attention recently is the strongow ad.. where maty drifts into, only because I have a can of strongbow on top of the fridge which has been there since xmas after i lost the taste but know I have looked at it twice with longing this past week, watch this space if i crack and drink it i will post

[Rock3]

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work pint of lager, a glass of wine at the weekend, refreshment during sporting events on television, you're even around in the holidays, or hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those people who I know for a fact do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest
that I eat a kebab, a butter chicken curry along with a sausage with cheese, onion and mustard (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few sweet chilli and sour cream red rock crisps)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review
My grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

[sits_monkey]

i'll drink to that!

[volgar]

HA HA HOOWIIIEEEE ..phew... last nights beer just came up..yeuk

[zagger]

Clean it up! lightweight

[Rock3]

SYMPTOM

CAUSE
CORRECTIVE ACTION


Feet cold and wet

Glass Being held at incorrect angle.

Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling



Feet warm and wet

Improper Bladder Control

Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training



Beer unusually pale and tasteless

a. Glass empty.
b. You're holding a Coors Lite

Get someone to buy you another beer



Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights

You have fallen over backward.

Have yourself leashed to bar



Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes

You have fallen forward

See above



Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet

a. Mouth not open
b. Glass applied to wrong part of face

Retire to restroom, practice in mirror



Floor Blurred

You are looking through bottom of empty glass

Get someone to buy you another beer



Floor moving

You are being carried out

Find out if you are being taken to another bar



Room seems unusually dark

Bar has closed

Confirm home address with bar tender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run



Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures

Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations

Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside



Everyone looks up to you and smiles

You are dancing on the table

Fall on someone cushy-looking



Beer is crystal-clear

It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up

Punch him



People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup

You're in the ladies' room

Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional)



Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear

You have been in a fight

Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them



Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in

You've wandered into the wrong party

See if they have free beer



Your bedroom is painted grey, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk

a. You're in jail
b. You're in the navy

Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new room-mate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach



You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps

You're in a gay bar

Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs



Your singing sounds distorted

The beer is too weak

Have more beer until your voice improves



Don't remember the words to the song

Beer is just right

Play air guitar

[darsh39]

i like
Heineken


currently the ad that Zagger mentioned is a fav with me as well really crazy !!

[fivefour]

the advert I don't like is the C2 from Carling. I can't pinpoint what winds me up about it but it's so annoying. Lets face it, the British drink to get drunk, who wants half strength?!

[Vinzz]

Originally Posted by zagger

Clean it up! lightweight

lolz! haha very well said